Today’s Scripture Reading (August 15, 2019): Psalm 41
“I am right,
and I think we will all get along a lot better if you will just remember that
one fact about me.” I am in a lot of conversations where this seems to be the
intent of the one to whom I am speaking. And I often wish that I had that kind
of confidence. The truth is that I don’t. I am not a black and white person,
although I seem to live in a black and white world. Some of my opponents argue
that it be a lot better if I would live in that black and white world,
especially if it is their version of black and white. But that does not seem to
be me. I admit that I am more comfortable hiding within the greys. My spirit
never wants truth handed to it; it craves the struggle it finds on the way to
the discovery of truth.
There are
some things that I know. But even these things did not come easily for me. I
know that we are to love, and not just love when it is convenient, but love
when it is awkward and inconvenient. We are to love the one who does not love
us and does not respond appropriately to our love. There is no moment in life
where we get to give up and say, “well, at least I tried. But his idiot just
isn’t willing to act appropriately.” People of love is part of who we are
created to be. But I cannot say that this is something that I have always
known. In truth, this is something that I have struggled with before finally
arriving at truth. This revelation was not given to be at the beginning of the
journey, but something that I had to search for to figure out. And the extent
to which I believe that we are to love is still a struggle for me, and I
realize it is a struggle for most of those around me.
Maybe it is
because of the struggle that there are several places in the Psalms where I
find myself more than a little uncomfortable. And this would be one of those
places. When the Psalmist says “Have
mercy on me, Lord; heal
me, for I have sinned against you” (Psalm 41:4), I can form my little cheering
section and applaud the Psalmist’s honesty. I understand those words with the
core of my being. But when the Psalmist says, “God, I know that you are on my
side and are happy with me,” I admit that I pull back a little. I don’t know that
with any part of my being. I am afraid that if I did that, I would lose my
footing, that I would fall back in my faith because the struggle is no longer
there. I am convinced that, at least for me, the presence of God can only be
found in the struggle. My prayer is more likely to be “God, let me find you in
the struggle. Guide me toward the places where you are.” Maybe David was
content that God was happy with him. But I refuse to be. I need to find the
presence of my God amid my struggle to see him, and in my struggle to be the
person that he wants me to be.
Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: Psalm 55
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