When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted. – Psalms 77:2

Today's Scripture Reading (August 9, 2022): Psalms 77

There have been times in my life when I knew I was guilty of a sin or some kind of wrongdoing. Sometimes big, other times small, but I had done something that I knew, at least for me, was wrong, and I sincerely wished that I could take the action back, but it was too late. And in those moments, I don't need someone to tell me I am wrong; I already know. My problem is that when I find myself in these situations, I am often unsure what my next action should be. I realize that I should ask for forgiveness from those I may have offended, but that doesn't seem enough. There needs to be something else.

My reality is that I know that I am a tough critic of my behavior. Everyone might forgive my actions, sometimes even arguing that my behavior wasn't as bad as I think, and yet I struggle to forgive myself. The truth is that it doesn't matter who has forgiven me if I am not among the names on that list. I have to be willing to forgive myself. And if I am not ready to forgive myself, nothing else really matters.

Asaph seems to have experienced similar situations. In his distress and sin, he turned to God, which is a proper thing to do. When he was alone at night, he lifted untiring hands to his God, likely as part of his perceived penance for his sin. But it was not enough. It wasn't that comfort was not available for Asaph but that he rejected any comfort that was offered to him. Maybe he considered some comfort to be inadequate for his situation. Other comforts might have been based on a lie or were unworthy of God. But whatever the comfort might have been, Asaph admits that he has rejected all efforts to comfort him. I love Charles Spurgeon's (1834-1892) comment on this passage. Spurgeon writes, "as a sick man turns away even from the most nourishing food, so did he. It is impossible to comfort those who refuse to be comforted" (Charles Spurgeon).

Sometimes, Asaph's story is our story. We refuse the comfort that is available to us, and often the real reason is that we believe ourselves to be unworthy of the efforts to comfort us. It isn't just that we find ourselves in distress, but that we have come to think that our pain is somehow deserved.

I know I am my severest critic; you might also be yours. If you are, our shared reality is that God is willing to forgive us, even if our human critics are not. But the fundamental truth is that it doesn't matter who will forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive ourselves. And it doesn't matter what comfort is available to us if we refuse all attempts to comfort us. And in the end, the comfort I need during the distressing parts of life starts with me. 

Today's Scripture Reading: Psalm 78