My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. – Song of Songs 2:16

Today's Scripture Reading (November 30, 2022): Song of Songs 2

It is one of those Christian beliefs that I think is horrible (and yes, we have a few beliefs that drive me crazy.) This one belongs mostly to the women, and more precisely girls, among us. I have met several women who have prayed for God to protect the one with whom he meant them to marry. "God, I know you have a man for me, so protect him and lead me to him so we can live happily ever after." It is such a beautiful prayer. It is so encouraging. But it is also unbiblical and a dangerous belief for any Christian.

And this is a point that I make whenever I do premarital counseling with a young couple. The idea that God has prepared someone just for you is one of the main reasons why Christian marriages die, even if these marriages don't end in divorce. The problem is that when we enter into a marriage with "the one," the union is romantic in the early days following the wedding. But as time passes and the journey begins to include dirty diapers, sleepless nights, lack of intimacy, and money problems, we will often run into someone else who could have been our "one." As a result, we begin to think we have made a mistake. I couldn't have married the one because this other person is the one. And surely God wouldn't object if I admitted my mistake and divorced the one I shouldn't have married in the first place so that I can marry the one God has prepared for me. But the story doesn't end there. I know Christians who are going through life looking for the one, leaving a broken chain behind them because of that pursuit.

So, what's the alternative for Christians? I believe that it is the recognition that there are many people with whom we could be happy. God hasn't just prepared one person for us, but he has created many people with whom we could be happy. The path to marriage is not in finding the one we are meant to be with but rather in making a commitment to one of many with whom we could be happy. Then, when the diapers and sleepless nights intrude and we meet someone else with whom we could have been happy, we can recognize that fact but also affirm to those around us that we have made a commitment to someone who is just as special as our new friend. Marriage isn't an exercise in finding "the one;" marriage is a commitment we make to the one we already have in our lives.

There is a beautiful sentiment in these words from the Song of Songs, but also a bit of irony. The beauty is in this idea of commitment, I belong to the one I love, and he or she belongs to me. It says that of all the people with whom I could be happy, I choose you and no one else; we belong to each other.

But that is also the irony. Solomon, of all the kings of Israel, might have been the least able to make this kind of commitment. He says here that I belong only to my beautiful wife and not to the 999 others with whom I could have been happy. But in reality, the Bible tells a very different story.

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray (1 Kings 11:1-3).

Things could have been much simpler if Solomon had chosen to honor this statement and given everything he had to stick with the bride we find in the Song of Songs. But Solomon didn't seem to have that discipline in his personal life, and because of that, he didn't really commit to any of the women in his life.

Tomorrow's Scripture Reading: Song of Songs 3