One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

Today’s Scripture Reading (October 7, 2019): Proverbs 18

Bob Marley remarked that “the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” I think the problem is not that we intend to hurt each other, at least not always. There is no doubt that there are people, I have a few in my life, who seem to want to cause us pain. But I am also convinced that it is a personal pain experienced by these friends that drives them to want to hurt us.   

But that is just part of our friendship pool. Others might also hurt us, but they don’t mean to hurt us. The unfortunate thing about communication is that it rarely really happens. What we say is often not what our friend hears. We judge motives, but rarely know what those motives might really be. Some years ago, a friend shared something that had happened in her life. In a moment of vulnerability, I also shared something that happened recently in my life, and an incident for which I was sorry. I am not sure what I was expecting, but what I received was hurt. The comment that was returned to me was, “Well, that is wrong. And you shouldn’t do that.” I felt judged, and since we were sharing mistakes, I thought the comment was inappropriate. What I wanted was a moment of forgiveness, and maybe a discussion around what we could learn from our mistakes. I don’t believe that my friend intended to hurt me, and yet, I felt the pain anyway

I periodically speak with people who have given up on friendship. Their friends have hurt them. Their spouses have caused them pain, and now they have decided that relationships are not worth the trouble. And anyone who believes otherwise must be living in a fantasy world.

We struggle with the first clause of this proverb. The New International Version translates the verse “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin” (Proverbs 18:24a NIV). The King James Versions records it this way; “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24a KJV). Eugene Peterson paraphrases the verse like this; “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family” (Proverbs 18:24 The Message). Maybe the best way to understand this verse is that “if you want a reliable friend, you must be a reliable friend.” And yet even then, good friendships are not a guarantee. But unless we are reliable friends, it will be impossible to find reliable friends.

But don’t give up. Reliable friends are out there. And, paraphrasing Bob Marley, they are worth the pain we might experience trying to find them. As Christians, we have interpreted this verse as pointing toward Jesus. But that is reading extra into the passage that was not intended by Solomon. This passage feels like it is Solomon remembering the relationship that his father, David, had with Jonathan. The relationship wasn’t perfect, but Jonathan was closer to David than he was with his own brothers. Solomon wanted that kind of relationship. And the friendship between David and Jonathan proved that those kind of friendships were possible, and worth the pain of trying to find.   

Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: Proverbs 19