Today’s Scripture Reading (July 31,
2012): Numbers 7
There are a
number of places that I admit I just feel out of place. I have always felt like
the odd man out at a party. I think that part of the problem is that I often
just do not know what to do. As long as there is some sort of program, I can
fill in the appropriate responses. But when that purpose disappears, the
anxiety inside of me begins to grow. I feel the same way at the pastoral gatherings
that I attend. Often I just do not seem to fit in - what is important to other
pastors is seldom what is important to me. I am currently struggling with a
ministerial leadership position. It is not that I do not desire to help out or
to make a difference. But my struggle is that there is a very real difference
between what I feel is important and what the other ministers seem to need at
their meetings. And all the discrepancy does is drive in the feeling that I really
do not belong.
I have a suspicion
that it is a feeling that a lot of people experience. We go through life living
as outsiders in the places that surround us. Some of us have the ability to
pretend we belong better than the rest of us, but we all find ourselves in
places where we feel that we just do not belong. And when we feel that way, there
is no greater experience than being invited into that place by someone we know
belongs. To have them stand beside us and validate us in that place, in spite
of all the insecurity we are suffering through inside.
It is
interesting that one of the effects of the law being passed down from God was
that the law excluded Moses from the presence of God. The task of ministering
in the presence of God would now be the task of Aaron and all of his
descendants. And yet, God still invites Moses into a place that where he no
longer belonged. In spite of all of his insecurities, God still invited him
into his presence – a place where God and Moses could talk.
Maybe a
greater mystery is that God also invites us into the same place. For the one
that dedicates himself to the mysteries of his grace, the invitation stands.
And we get to talk to him as a man speaks to a friend – we speak to him face to
face, in spite of the fact that it is a place where we know we really do not
belong.
Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: Numbers
8