Today’s Scripture Reading (March 13, 2018): Philemon 1
Author Amit Kalantri in “Wealth of Words” remarks that
“Politeness
is the first thing people lose once they get the power.” I get that, and it
might even describe me in certain circumstances, although I hope that I can
attribute that to my past youth. But I have also experienced it as the one
being on the receiving end of power. When you have power, the temptation to take
shortcuts is too readily available, as is
the strong desire not to listen to advisors and just command that people do what
we want. Sometimes such commands are necessary, but often there seems to be a
better way.
For me, I remember two specific times when I felt a command was out of place. Once was when I
opposed a directive in an annual general meeting. While the plan had its merits,
I felt that there were holes in the proposal and that we had not thought through all of the implications. I decided to
take a stand and vote no, or rather wait until we had examined the proposal in
greater detail. The vote went heavily yes, in fact, mine was the only no vote.
And after the vote was released, my boss decided to call it a unanimous yes
vote, looking directly at me as he spoke the words, and at the same time wiping
my concerns from the record. I felt belittled and declared to be not important.
It left a scar that I still bear decades later.
The second instance was over a song in a worship service. Again, my boss in that situation
wanted a particular song to be played. As
the Worship Pastor, I had no objections to the song, but the song was not an
easy one to play, and in the service that
he desired it I feared I did not have the instrumentalists available to the
song justice. I felt that there were compromises that we could reach if we were
to sit down and discuss it, but instead of a conversation, I received this
response “You like Star Trek. Let me put it this way – “Make it so.” In fifteen
seconds my sense of worth was compromised, and
my concerns were once again declared to be unimportant.
Paul was no stranger to commands. He issued them
frequently. But he also seemed to know when to back off and enter into a
conversation. Paul knew that there were times when the stronger action was to
not command, even though he could, and instead ask for a favor. And this is
exactly what he decides to do with Philemon. There is no doubt that Paul had
the authority to command a certain behavior from Philemon with regard to Onesimus, but instead of a
command, Paul decides to ask Philemon for a favor. And as Paul sets up the ask,
Philemon knows that something is coming.
Maybe Paul’s words could be rephrased this way. “Philemon,
it is me, Paul. In love, I want to ask you to do me a favor. Let me remind you
that I am old and currently in prison. Could you do this for me?” Rather than
command, Paul politely asks, albeit with a measure of guilt thrown in. But I am
convinced that, while Philemon would have done what Paul commanded, the
relationship between Paul and Philemon was
strengthened because Paul had decided to ask, rather than command.
Even if we possess the power to command, commands
often damage our interpersonal relationships. Making the ask, on the other
hand, has the potential to strengthen our relationships. And generally, if at
all possible, it is better to make the ask rather than issue a command.
Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: 1 Timothy 1 & 2
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