Today’s Scripture Reading (August 5,
2013): Psalm 129 & 130
He woke up
in the early hours of the morning. He was in physical pain. His chest hurt, his
heart felt like it was about to explode out of his chest. He was experiencing
numbness in his face and in his legs. And on top of it all, he was soaked with
sweat. It was a feeling that he had never experienced before. All that he could
think of was that this must be what it is like to die. Stumbling out of bed he
made his way to the small washroom attached to the bedroom. Standing in front
of the sink he splashed some water on his face in order to try to find some
life, but it was a useless action. He was dying and there was absolutely
nothing that he could do to change that.
Except that
he wasn’t dying. He went to the hospital and was examined with every test that
was available, and the results of every test were that there was nothing wrong.
His heart was fine, and yet every night as the clock reached the small hours his
chest returned to feeling like it was on fire. The doctors would finally call
the events “anxiety attacks,” but the name just didn’t do justice to the very
real physical pain that he was experiencing. Somehow blaming the physical pain
on anxiety seemed to be like saying that the pain was somehow fake or being
imagined, but that was not the reality that he was experiencing during the
early morning hours.
We are a
culture infected with anxiety problems. The power of our minds to inflict
physical pain is rapidly becoming a reality in the lives of the people around
us – and a lot of us know the pain personally. And like my friend, often it
feels like we are dying, In fact, maybe if we were being honest in those small
hours in the morning, we would probably admit that death would be preferable. I
mean, at least if we died it would be over – but what we are experiencing never
seems to end. It just keeps on repeating itself in the night.
The Psalmist
says that he cries out to God from the depths. The Psalmist is still alive, but
he is probably questioning whether or not he really wants to be. To die might
be better – at least it would bring the incredible anxiety to an end. But that
is not where the Psalmist finds himself. He finds himself in the depths – in that
pain of small hours of the morning wondering what it is that comes next. And
that is what he carries to God. If you are alive, there will be times when you
will find yourself in the depths – and in the depths, anxiety becomes the
enemy. They are the times when no one seems to hear us or understand what it is
that we are going through – including us. But those are precisely the times
that the Psalmist points us to the God that hears our cries - even when they
come from the depths.
Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: Psalm
131 & 132
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