“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” – John 13:8

Today’s Scripture Reading (November 20, 2017): John 13

Sometimes, I think, we kill ourselves trying to live up to an unreachable standard. Or maybe it is only me. Now, I do not mean that we should not be continually growing, continually trying to be more like Christ. But the problem is that even as we grow, we have this stain that is on us from past deeds – both things that we have done and things that we have left undone. I don’t know all of the answers. But I do know that in my past I have committed a lot of wrongs for which I am not proud. My theology says that because I have confessed my sins, that I am forgiven, but sometimes I just don’t feel too forgiven. And the weight gets heavy. I try my best to hide the ugly load that I bear from others, but sometimes it is just too overwhelming.

Jesus begins to play the role of a servant by taking on the task of washing the feet of the disciples. But Peter balks. Jesus will not wash his feet. Now, I have to admit that I have ugly feet and I am ashamed of my feet at any time someone threatens to re-enact this foot washing. But I really don’t think that that was Peter’s problem (although I feel like I need to make this comment – a foot washing in a large service setting or with a group of pastors, or people who rarely see each other, I believe is inappropriate because it is being done outside of community – but that was not the case with Jesus and the disciples). Peter’s problem was that there was so much in his life that was ugly. And among other disciples or servants, he could convince himself that they were at least as bad as he was – maybe. But this was Jesus. And there was an ugliness that Peter bore that he knew Jesus did not bear. Perhaps there was an ugliness that the outspoken disciple was trying to hide from his mentor. I think that Peter would have been quite willing to wash the feet of Jesus, but Jesus was not going to wash his feet. Jesus was not going to know his ugliness.

It is part of the excuse that we often seem to make about the act of coming into a church building. When I am good enough, then I will come to Jesus. But until then I just need to work harder on the project of making myself better on my own strength. And the reality is that, under that scenario, we will never make it.

Jesus’s command to us has always been the same as it was for Peter, come to me and I will wash what is dirty. I will take care of the ugliness – but first, you have to come.

Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: John 14