But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. – Job 4:5

Today’s Scripture Reading (May 25, 2018): Job 4

The worst pain that can ever be felt in the world will be yours. It is a simple truth. I often wonder when I am sick, and the doctor asks me to rate my pain from a one to ten how I could possibly accomplish such a task. I mean, how can I judge pain. For someone who rarely experiences pain of any kind, and I know you are out there, a mild headache might be a nine. For one who is constantly in pain, it might not even register on the scale as a one. The only way that we can know pain is by what we have experienced. And my severe pain will always be worse than yours, because I am experiencing my pain, and I am not experiencing yours.

This simple fact makes empathy almost impossible. When I meet someone in pain, I can sympathize, but I cannot empathize because I don’t know your pain. Recently I had a conversation with someone in great pain, and they asked me how I got through my pain. Now, I think that I know pain, but I really only know my pain. My response to my friend was that I have always been too stubborn in life to allow pain to stop me from accomplishing whatever the task is that I want to achieve. My comment was meant as nothing more than an answer to the question. This is what I do. But the response from my friend indicated that he took it as a criticism. He responded with “I am stubborn too, but there will come a time when you will find that being stubborn is not enough.” Was his comment true? Maybe. I don’t know. Although I have experienced pain in my life, I have never come to that point. I admit that when pain rears its ugly head, I find that working through the pain is often the best medicine. But that can only be my response because it is my pain. And I do not know the pain of anyone else. 

Eliphaz complains that Job had offered his wisdom to those who had suffered in the past, but now he finds it hard to live up to the same advice that he had given. But Eliphaz’s comment fails on two points. First, he regards Job’s pain to be equal to those that Job had counseled, but he had no way of knowing that to be true. Our pain is our pain. Job’s pain is Job’s pain. Comparison in the midst of pain is a useless endeavor. Yes, we need to find coping mechanisms for dealing with pain, and sometimes others can help us with that if we are willing to listen. But we need to understand the simple principle that if the person suffering says the pain is a ten, arguing that their ten is only equal to someone else’s five will accomplish nothing. Pain is pain, and the worst pain we can imagine is our own. Admittedly, as the readers of the story, we know that Job’s pain is extreme and all-encompassing. But it is still Job’s pain.

The second way in which Eliphaz’s comment fails is that it seems to assume that Job should be able to counsel himself through the tragedy. If he had words of wisdom for others who had suffered, then why couldn’t he apply those same words to himself. But again, that is also impossible. When we suffer, we need someone else who will walk with us, offering wisdom when we ask, and remaining silent when we don’t. Eliphaz’s presence was a good thing, but rather than chiding Job for not taking his own advice; it would have been better if he had lovingly offered the advice once more, choosing to simply “be with” Job in his moment of struggle.

Tomorrow’s Scripture Reading: Job 5